At the end of a perfect summer day full of laughter, barbecuing, and swimming in their backyard pool with her husband, 4 children and spouses, 12 grandchildren, and 2 great-grandchildren, Betty relaxed into her chair on the deck, glanced out to see a baby deer grazing in the beautiful green yard she cherished, and passed peacefully into the arms of our loving Heavenly Father.

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Beatrice Mercedes Alvarez was joyfully born Friday afternoon, May 13, 1944, at St. Vincent Hospital in New York City to her mother, Mercedes, who was in such disbelief to finally have a daughter after three sons that she refused to see Betty for days. When the nuns, nurses, and priests finally convinced Mercedes that they were not playing a trick and that she had indeed had a daughter, Mercedes embraced Betty and never let her out of sight from that moment on, literally.

Betty’s three older brothers, Edward, Angelo, and Peter, fostered in her a tenacity and passion that became a hallmark of her personality. So much so, that if you were blessed to be Betty’s friend, you had a lifelong advocate who would both fiercely defend you and tenderly love you with all her heart. If you were not her friend, you likely experienced her no-nonsense, take-no-prisoners, truth-telling skills honed defending her brothers on the street of New York City’s Upper West Side. Occasionally, it was rumored that she would express such points of view with a wooden spoon in hand. But contrary to her sons’ claims, such a spoon was only intended for dramatic emphasis 😉

The unforgiving summer heat of the 1950’s in New York City and the tensions it fueled, were something Mercedes did not wish for her daughter to be bound by. So at age six, Mercedes enrolled Betty to participate in the Herald Tribune’s Fresh Air Fund “Friendly Towns” program. Young Betty boarded a train headed to Cape Cod, Massachusetts, spending the next twenty summers with Lillian and George Howard. They were a second set of parents for Betty for the rest of their lives. Their love and caring would become a true north star for her moral, spiritual, and everyday practical development. At their home on the beaches of North Truro, Betty would gain the life-long sister she always craved. The many adventures of Gail (Howard Kazlouskas) and Betty’s Cape Cod summers live in the minds and hearts of her children and grandchildren as folklore unmatched by any bestselling author.

Betty attended Holy Name of Jesus School on 96th Street and Amsterdam Avenue where she quickly learned English, with the patience and extra caring of the nuns, and a deep love of God from the Sisters of Charity. Always a precocious baby sister, Betty enjoyed antagonizing the friends of her older brother Peter, demanding to play in every pick-up game on West 96th Street. Her absolute favorite game was basketball. As a freshman at Cathedral High School, despite her gangly build, Betty made the Varsity Basketball team. Unfortunately, her teenage dreams were interrupted by a tragic fire that destroyed her family’s apartment building. Thanks to the quick reactions of her brother Eddie, who recently returned from serving in the Korean War, family and friends were saved. However, the fire destroyed all they owned and forced the family to relocate to New Jersey. The memory of the fire forever shaped Betty – who would save every memory of her family’s life – and left a small hole in her heart for a city she so dearly loved.

Starting over again, Betty began her second semester of freshman year at Immaculate Conception High School in Lodi. Searching for a friendly face, Betty was met by an adorable, outgoing, and kind Kathy Phelan. Kathy embraced Betty, and the two became fast best friends for life. Betty enjoyed spending time at the busy Phelan house at 364 Concord Drive in Maywood. Mary, Thomas Phelan, Kathy’s sisters Mary, Joan, and Dorothy welcomed Betty, who soon became a regular in the busy house. Betty decided that she liked the family so much she should make it permanent. One day, an outspoken Betty told Mrs. Phelan, “I am going to marry one of your sons (Tommy or Donnie) someday.” When Betty turned around to see Don in the kitchen, she abruptly dove under the dining room table and refused to come out due to her utter embarrassment. Not the first or last time boldness would get her in trouble. Mrs. Phelan coaxed her out and calmed her down. That would be the first of many times Mary provided her calming, steadfast, motherly love and support to Betty.

Having drawn the proverbial short straw among his group of friends, Don took out his kid sister’s friend Betty as part of a group date to Freedom Land in North Bronx, NY in 1961. A first date that would begin a 64-year love story, 60-year marriage – lots of laughs, endless pots of coffee, and a few pieces of burnt toast.

Beatrice Mercedes and Donald Francis were married on a bright and brisk fall day on October 3, 1964, at Our Lady Queen of Peace Church, Maywood. The couple would go on to honeymoon in Amish Country, Pennsylvania, despite the fact every time they stopped for gas, the attendants gave them a playful hard time (courtesy of a note strategically placed by Don’s older brother Tom at the gas tank, informing attendees of the newlyweds adventure).

While settling into married life, Betty continued to work for NBC Studios at 30 Rockefeller Center. A job that garnished her father-in-law Tom more favors than it cost him, as Betty’s natural charm and hard work quickly made her a favorite among staff and stars like Johnny Carson and Rock Hudson. Don, ever busy as a patrolman riding up and down Maywood Avenue saving kittens and old ladies crossing the street, with the occasional drive-by home to see his Mom for lunch or coffee, would be there as the bus brought his bride home, so together they could build a life in the Garden Apartments of Maybrook Drive.

The couple would not be alone for long. Welcoming their first son, Timothy Michael (known as Timothy Michael Motorcycle, filled with boundless energy), followed by their beautiful Memorial Day patriotic baby Christopher John. Life in Maywood, surrounded by family and friends, was good.

The four continued to spend every summer, Memorial Day through Labor Day at the Cape. Thanks to Don’s sacrifices, working double shifts and commuting eight hours each way, Betty instilled her love for the beach and outdoors in her boys, traits all her children have passed to their children. After a few years, the always-an-adventure-seeker Betty suggested to Don that they might look for a larger home, as the apartment was getting small. Like so many others, this Bergen County couple headed down the Garden State Parkway and found the growing community of Brick Town. As fate would have it, and in a sign of affirmation of this adventure, the address of this new Phelan enclave would share street names with the original Phelan compound in Maywood: Concord Drive. At Brick Town’s Concord Drive, they welcomed their red-headed loving baby, Matthew Thomas. Highlighting the young family’s memories of life in Brick Town where spending nearly every long summer day on Manasquan Beach. Betty wore her itsy-bitsey-purple-polka-dot bikini working a deep tan that would last until Thanksgiving, while the boys built infinite sand castles with their Tonka trucks, and Dad came directly from work in Jersey City to the beach to join the family for sunsets.

A change of jobs for Don from Jersey City to Trenton had the family on the move again, this time finding themselves in bucolic Delaware Township along a rural drive that was not named Concord. A former Christmas tree farm caught their eye, and they would go on to build a four-bedroom, center-hall colonial: their own Camelot Castle. Frustrated by life surrounded by men, God decided Betty had earned the right to have another female in the home, and the family welcomed Catherine Anne the same week Betty’s bonus mom, Lillian Howard, and her gals were enjoying a bus trip to Flemington. Most brothers eventually accepted that Catherine was there to stay.

Betty’s life in Delaware Township was filled as a Cubscout Den Leader with Boy Scout meetings, rescue boxers, feeding the baby deer while warning them about advancing hunters, and the occasional horse or two meandering across the front yard, soon followed by their cigarette smoking curmudgeon owner Walter, the family’s next-door neighbor who Betty absolutely adored. She had a unique talent for clipping coupons while managing family affairs over a very long and tangled kitchen phone, which required the caller to be promptly greeted, “Hello, Phelan residence!”  When not behind the wheel of her large Oldsmobile station wagon shuttling four children between preschool, grade school, high school, and college – all at the same time (her children span 15 years) – and leading every community and volunteer event imaginable, Betty could be found on one of her daily trips to ShopRite. On the off-chance she had a spare moment, Betty enjoyed spending time planting flowers and tending her azaleas – only to chase the now-grown baby deer from eating the plant’s fresh, bright blooms.

Even when a normal person could not find another hour in the day, Betty still found a way to visit her Mom, Mercedes, every day. Through a daughter’s unending love and devotion, Betty’s Mom was a permanent fixture in her life until Mercedes’s passing at 97 in 2005.

Betty and Don expanded their love and their family as Lucia, Antonietta, Ed, and Tracey became their children.  Never tired of becoming new grandparents, they welcomed again and again the arrival of each grandchild: Gabriella, Marco, Natalie, Gianluca, Eddie, Cameron, Andrew, Gavin, Aimée, Clare, Avery, and Alexis, with increasing joy and happiness. While very proud of her children, the joy of grandmotherhood eclipsed everything.

Even as Betty’s memory faded and was many times absent in the end, she was blessed with weekly visits by her devoted brother Peter and sister-in-law Gracie. Every visit was a gift filled with laughter and love. Sharing old memories and creating new memories, telling and retelling stories nourished Betty’s soul, and the spirit in her heart sparkled in her eyes as she looked at her brother.

What started as a double date grew into a forever love and became a selfless act of loving devotion with insufficient words to describe its depth or magnitude. Every day of Betty’s adult life, her husband, Don, has been at her side. Every day of this, her last adventure, no matter how difficult or hard it’s been on him, he’s been there for her. Most days have been mentally frustrating, helpless without a cure, and physically exhausting to provide the best care he can. But never have we heard a complaint about her. Yes, many complaints about the helplessness of the disease and situation, but never about her. Betty’s greatest love has been that given every day by Don.

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At our Lord’s side receiving Beatrice Mercedes is her mother, Mercedez Alvarez Jove; her brothers, Edward Rivera, his wife Nory Rivera, Angelo Rivera; her in-laws Mary and Thomas Phelan; her sisters-in-law Sigrid Phelan, Mary Williams, Joan Snoad with her husband, Donald.

Betty is forever loved by her husband Donald Phelan, her children: Timothy and Lucia, Christopher and Antonietta, Matthew and Tracey, Catherine and Edward and grandchildren Gabriella, Rob, Marco, Gianluca, Natalie, Edward, Cameron, Andrew, Gavin, Aimée, Clare, Avery and Alexis, and great-granddaughters Emilia and Alessia, her brother and sister-in-law Peter and Grace Alvarez, brother-in-law brothers-in-law Gerald Williams and Thomas Phelan, sisters-in-law Dorothy Phelan, and Kathy Kohrs and her husband John. Betty is surrounded by the love of 19 nieces and nephews, many great nieces and nephews, and countless friends.

XOXO Mom

God Is Love

John 4:16

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Family and friends are welcome to celebrate Betty on Monday, February 24th from 4 – 7 p.m., with a Vigil service at 7:00 p.m., all in the Chapel of Wright & Ford Family Funeral Home and Cremation Services, 38 State Highway 31, Flemington, NJ.

A Mass of Christian Burial will be celebrated by Rev. Randy Espinoza at St. Magdalen de Pazzi Roman Catholic Church,105 Mine Street Flemington, NJ. on Tuesday, February 25 at 10 a.m. Everyone is kindly requested to meet directly at the church on Tuesday morning beginning at 9:45 a.m.

The Rite of Committal and burial will immediately follow Mass at St. Magdalen de Pazzi cemetery.

For those who are unable to attend the Vigil/Life Celebration Service and the Mass/Burial, these tributes will all be live-streamed, with the link being active on Monday evening beginning at 6:45 p.m., and Tuesday morning beginning at 9:45 a.m. The same link will be used for all events. Please note there will be a space in between the end of the mass and the burial; you may need to refresh the page.

You are encouraged to visit Betty’s permanent life celebration site at www.wrightfamily.com to light a candle of hope, leave messages of condolence, share words of comfort and recollection, and post photographs of her life.

You may honor Betty by making a memorial contribution to her beloved Discalced Carmelite Nuns of Flemington, New Jersey or for the dogs she loved so much to the New Jersey Boxer Rescue Association.

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Wright & Ford, your local, family owned & operated “Life Celebration Home”

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